My pandemic baby’s first birthday is this week. Jack joined our world when Covid-19 was just beginning to make waves, and by the time he was eight weeks old, our hometown of Houston abruptly shut down. It’s been a heck of a ride since then, to say the least.
Come, walk with me on our journey through the calendar of 2020, toddler and newborn baby in tow, a pandemic first-birthday on the horizon.
January: Dangnabbit, I’ve forgotten how to baby! [Dangles baby by ankle and squirts milk in his face.] Amidoingthisright?
February: Ahh this isn’t so bad! What a sweet kid! He eats, he sleeps, heck, maybe I could take him out for a quick lunch date! No, no, he hasn’t had his shots yet. I’ll wait until he gets them next month, and then the germs won’t be so dangerous.
March: THE GERMS ARE INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE EVER, ESPECIALLY YOU, YES, YOU! THE LADY WITH THE BABY!
April: Okay well, that didn’t go as planned, but we’ll adjust. At least we have our health, my husband and I both have our jobs—oh…noooo…
May: Okay well, one of us has a job. And thank goodness it’s waiting for me after maternity leave, because I’ll be honest, being in the house with every member of my family might be a problem in the long-term.
June: [Government] WE ARE IN IT FOR THE LONG TERM, PEOPLE!
July: Okay, back to work! Working from home should be fine, right? People seem to love it! [Baby cries at medium volume.] I’ll just close this door and put on some headphones….ahh, that’s better. [TODDLER SCREAMS WITH THE FORCE OF A TORNADO RAVAGING THE LAND DURING AN EARTHQUAKE, WHILE A TSUNAMI LOOMS OFF-CAMERA. DOORS AND HEADPHONES EXPLODE INTO DUST.] Okay when is my office re-opening?
August: It is hotter than the surface of the sun. I wilt every time I go outside. Let’s think, think, how to keep the kids entertained—oh, sweetie, you want to play in the backyard? Again? Are you sure? How about we read some fun boo—[TODDLER SCREAMS WITH THE POWER OF A NUCLEAR ARSENAL LAUNCHED BY AN ARMY OF YETIS] Sighhhhhh.
September: Oh good, it’s “fall.” So instead of being 100 degrees it’s only 98! Kids, we’re going for a walk.
October: Poor baby, you haven’t had any socialization literally your entire life. Maybe if the virus numbers keep going down we can set up a play date!
November: [Government] VIRUS NUMBERS ARE GOING UP! DISPENSE WITH ALL SOCIALIZATION HENCEFORTH AND IMMEDIATELY! [Me] Well, at least we have the holidays to look forward to.
December: I’m so depressed. What’s the point of cooking a turkey for four people? Let’s boil some mac and cheese and call it a day. Ugh, this year is taking FOREVER.
January: HOW ARE YOU ONE YEAR OLD? HOW??
At least Jack has no longer spent his entire life in 2020 (just the majority of it). And we will celebrate this milestone as much as we possibly can, given the circumstances. As all parents know, first birthdays are really about, well, the parents. Sure, the kid will be thrilled to smash some cake in his mouth, but the parents are actually celebrating keeping him alive for 365 days. And keeping him alive, healthy, and more-or-less happy this year? Let’s just say the champagne is going to flow, even if my husband and I are the only ones here to drink it…hey! I guess I found the bright side after all!
Cheers and happy birthday, buddy.
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