Hi folks, Ryan here (the husband/dad of the family) with a guest post. I’m going to ask that you forgive me for lacking Anne’s superlative writing ability. I’m an engineer, so anything that’s done outside of Excel seems foreign and confusing to me. Like… words. Words are hard.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve found that the trajectory of the whole day is often set by the tone of the morning. A good night’s sleep followed by a quiet morning with a rich cup of coffee and a healthy breakfast will have me laser focused and tearing through my to-do list all day. Conversely, waking bleary eyed from a late night and then stepping into a pile of cat vomit while both kids scream their heads off leads to a self-pity donut and caramel Frappuccino and quite honestly, it’s downhill from there in terms of my productivity. Unfortunately, I don’t have too many of the former, but at least I also don’t have too many of the latter (although it HAS happened). And I have found that the choice of morning beverage offers a concise reflection for how the morning went.
- Coffee, with a little milk and sugar – your normal, standard morning. Sure, Jack managed to yeet his cheerios across the kitchen, but Lina stayed in bed until 6 and has been a happy, smiling girl from changing out of her pj’s all the way to getting in the car to go to school.
- Iced coffee, with a little milk and sugar – Same as above, except it’s too hot to drink regular coffee. This being Houston, iced coffee season is March through October.
- Protein Shake – Why yes, yes I did get up early and work out. You see, it’s all a matter of discipline and hard work. I guess I’m just a little bit better than the rest of you. Later, I will use that moderate 20-minute bike ride to justify eating an entire pizza, a sleeve of Oreos, and a party size bag of Hint Of Lime tortilla chips. Because I’m healthy.
- Adding a splash of a Bailey’s to my coffee – Well, I suppose it WAS my fault that I turned on the stove before I grabbed the eggs from the fridge when Lina wants to see the eggs first. But the screaming in my face seems a little excessive. Eh, a little Irish cream will smooth that over….
- Adding a slightly larger splash of Baileys (like 50/50) – Ha-ha, oh those kids. I’m sure everyone’s older kid tries to throw the younger one down the stairs. And then gets really upset when you stop them. And then spends the next 15 minutes hanging “Mission Impossible” style from their booster seat trying to grab the dog’s face. One day I’ll laugh and laugh and… wait, why is this bottle empty already?
- Mimosa – We be fancy up in here! That’s right, we’re headed out on a trip! Vacation time, baby! Time to kick loose and relax! (Yeah, this hasn’t happened since the kids showed up, but I like to think that once they are big enough to haul their own luggage around, we can bring back our mimosa embarkation ritual)
- Margarita – You read that right: M-A-R-G-A-R-I-T-A. Don’t you judge me. Sometimes a dad needs something stronger than coffee. Coffee just doesn’t cut it when kid A started screaming from their doorway at 5:10 am, waking up kid B for a 40 minute symphony of horror. And the dog? She decided to poop on the carpet. And the cat threw up. In multiple places. Move over caffeine, this is a job for alcohol.
- Mommy’s Monster Margarita – Recipe follows below. If this beverage is poured in the morning, I have exactly 3 minutes to grab both kids, get the in the car, and take them to breakfast a minimum of 3 miles away. Minimum recommended time before returning home: 2 hours. Bring flowers.
Mommy’s Monster Margarita
- Select a nice oversized mug. A large travel mug also works well.
- Fill with tequila
- Enjoy!
Do you have a signature breakfast beverage? Am I the only one with these tendencies? (Please say no.) Help your fellow parents by sharing your favorite recipes for a difficult morning in the comments.
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