Have you ever been mindlessly scrolling the internet, minding your own business, then up pops some post or story that’s so utterly ridiculous your scrolling finger makes a hard stop and your eyes narrow in disbelief? Then, if you’re like me, you holler, “Honey, you need to see this nonsense!” And your relaxing journey through the world wide web suddenly blows up in a huff.
For some reason, that’s been happening a lot lately with me and mommy blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I probably fall into the category of “mommy blogger.” I’m a mommy. I blog. And there are some excellent mommy blogs out there (much better than mine). No hate.
However, there are certain trends in mommy blogging that I see happening repeatedly, making my finger twitch to unfollow. At the very least, they make me say words like “codswallop” and “horse pucky.” And maybe a few others less PG.
No need to name names, but in general, here are five trends in mommy blogging that need to stop immediately.
#1: They make easy things complicated.
I recently saw a post from a mommy blogger/educator/play idea-er. Here’s a short summary of her post with my reactions interspersed.
Blogger: Playing with your child can be SO DIFFICULT!
Me: Yes! Go on.
Blogger: Here’s the secret.
Me: I can’t wait!
Blogger: When your child independently approaches you and asks you to play an extremely easy and totally mindless board game they chose without any effort required on your part — and I know this is gonna sound CRAZY — play it with them for a few minutes.
Me: O. K.
Blogger: BUY MY PLAY COURSE HERE!
Ummmm…no thanks. I’ve seen the same thing with bloggers pushing gourmet baby food recipes, or trying to convince me that screen time is only allowed if mom and dad sit there with the child and discuss the unfolding episode of Peppa Pig in real time with advanced insights into emotions and interpersonal (interpiggonal?) interactions. Sorry, but (1) playing a board game with my kid is the least of my problems, (2) my kid doesn’t want truffle oil in his mashed potatoes so why bother, and (3) screen time is intended to make my life easier, not harder.
Anyone who tries to make an extremely simple scenario–OF WHICH THERE ARE VERY FEW IN PARENTING–seem difficult and anxiety-inducing? Go choke on a chicken wing.
Sorry, sorry, that’s too harsh. Maybe just eat a really unexpectedly spicy wing and discover there’s no milk in the fridge.
#2: They make complicated things seem easy.
SO MANY BLOGGERS are guilty of this. But let’s put aside the “easy crafts” and “easy activities” for a moment, because everyone knows those are a sham. Instead, let’s think about other ways they discourage moms. For example:
Blogger: Pumping at the office made easy!
Me: Doubt it, but go on.
Blogger: Simple! Just get a second pump (very expensive but do it anyway lol), duplicate pump parts, a dish brush, dish soap, plastic storage container, drying rack, and pumping bra. Make sure you have access to a clean sink and refrigerator.
Me: Waiting for the helpful bit.
Blogger: Pump and then wash the parts every single time.
Me: So…literally no short cuts.
Blogger: Also be sure to pump at the times your child would normally eat or your boobs will fall off!
Me: So not easy. At all.
Blogger: [Smiley shrug]
As someone who has pumped at the office, there is no easy way to do it. Between finding a private space (I could write a long and highly embarrassing post about my first time trying to pump at work), a place to store your parts and milk, and adequate time, it’s not easy. For anyone. As a female attorney at a mostly-male firm, I remember–with agony–the meetings that ran too long or started too early, and feeling unable to tell the men that I had to take a break to empty my boobs. IT’S NOT EASY. This is the opposite of #1. Some things are legitimately, inherently, no-getting-around-it hard, from pumping at work to sleep regressions to behavioral challenges. Stop trying to pretend and making us feel inadequate in the process.
#3: They forget the ways families are different.
I see so many posts that assume all children are alike. For example: “Struggling? When your child says ‘I LOVE YOU’ it will all be worth it!” Or, “Savor these moments because your child will be out of the house soon!”
Parents of children with disabilities: “Eh?”
Or, parents of typically developing children who happen to have trouble saying “I love you,” or who live at home after age 18: “Eh?”
My daughter Lina is four years old, amazing, beautiful, autistic, and nonspeaking. We work very hard to support her communication with signs and AAC to help her express her wants and needs. I do not know at this time whether oral speech will be an option for her, and while I would enjoy hearing “I love you,” it’s not our top priority. I also don’t know when she may be capable of living independently, although I fully support it if and when she’s ready. Telling everyone to rely on the same clichés, regardless of their situation, is not only unhelpful, but, well, honestly, REALLY unhelpful. All kids are not the same, and the typical Instagrammable milestones may not apply to everyone.
#4: They forget the ways families are the same.
I would LOVE to see more mainstream bloggers sharing content that applies to kids with disabilities. Heck, I would love to see a photo of a disabled kid doing a totally standard craft or activity — glue the pom poms while doing your own awesome thing, kid! Or inviting a disabled kid to model your rocket-ship patterned dress or made-from-artisinal-ostrich-feather-headband — work it, kid, yes! I get that most bloggers base their content on their own children and experiences. Maybe they honestly haven’t spent time with kids who are different from their own. But I think conversations are shifting more and more towards inclusivity, and bloggers of all backgrounds should make an effort to take part.
Does this contradict #3? I don’t think so. I think it’s symbiotic. You can be mindful about your words and not assume every child has the same opportunities or abilities, and also include kids with different challenges in your content.
At baseline, families are the same in certain ways, in that we ALL want our kids to be happy. We ALL want to have something fun to do together on a Saturday afternoon. We ALL long for the same blush-and-neutral playroom aesthetic — well, no, not really, but we all like seeing things that are beautiful. Why not include families with some differences, and along the way, share how we’re the same?
#5: They judge.
So many mommy bloggers are guilty of this. Heck, I’m judging right now!
[Crickets]
…Damn it. Okay I’m out.
And that, friends, is my list of five trends in mommy blogging that should stop doing right now. Your thoughts? What did I miss? Drop them in the comments below, and know that I truly appreciate and value your eyeballs on my blog…regardless of my own flaws, of which there are many!
Trust me. Many.
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